The title of this post is tongue-in-cheek of course, but in an article at the Conversationalist, Maria Farrell compares smartphones to abusive partners by listing a bunch of things abusive partners do and claiming smartphones do those same things (quote):

  • They isolate us from deeper, competing relationships in favour of superficial contact – ‘user engagement’ – that keeps their hold on us strong. Working with social media, they insidiously curate our social lives, manipulating us emotionally with dark patterns to keep us scrolling.
  • They tell us the onus is on us to manage their behavior. It’s our job to tiptoe around them and limit their harms. Spending too much time on a literally-designed-to-be-behaviorally-addictive phone? They send company-approved messages about our online time, but ban from their stores the apps that would really cut our use. We just need to use willpower. We just need to be good enough to deserve them.
  • They betray us, leaking data / spreading secrets. What we shared privately with them is suddenly public. Sometimes this destroys lives, but hey, we only have ourselves to blame. They fight nasty and under-handed, and are so, so sorry when they get caught that we’re meant to feel bad for them. But they never truly change, and each time we take them back, we grow weaker.
  • They love-bomb us when we try to break away, piling on the free data or device upgrades, making us click through page after page of dark pattern, telling us no one understands us like they do, no one else sees everything we really are, no one else will want us.
  • It’s impossible to just cut them off. They’ve wormed themselves into every part of our lives, making life without them unimaginable. And anyway, the relationship is complicated. There is love in it, or there once was. Surely we can get back to that if we just manage them the way they want us to?

I agree with some of these, but not with the claim that it’s impossible to stop using smartphones. As someone who doesn’t use a smartphone, I am living testimony to the contrary. (Hasn’t Farrell ever met someone who doesn’t use a smartphone?)

This article, like a lot of the criticism of technology I’ve seen, contains a recurring theme: it articulates serious concerns about the technology but then stops short of saying we should discontinue our use of it. (Another instance of this was Cathy O’Neil’s book, Weapons of Math Destruction, which presented a strong case against the use of computer algorithms in finance, hiring, criminal justice, and other areas, but dismissed the notion that we ought to abandon them.) Why?

If Farrell knows her smartphone is doing all these horrible things, why does she still have a smartphone? Why isn’t she leading the charge to go back to simple phones and leave the serious computing to laptops and desktop machines? I would happily support her if she did that, and I could provide lots of good reasons to use a simple phone as well as answers to many of the anticipated objections. I honestly do think a significant migration from smartphones to simple phones would make the world a drastically better place, even with all the benefits of smartphones considered.

It could be that Farrell is herself a victim to the abuses she warns us about: maybe she’s isolated from deep relationships, and her social life is curated by her phone; maybe she lacks the willpower to curtail her use of her phone; maybe she’s taken in by the “love-bombing” whenever she tries to cut it out of her life; maybe she really is unable to manage her life without her phone. If these things were true, it would explain why she doesn’t end her article by calling for readers to ditch their smartphones: she knows her smartphone will discover the betrayal, and abuse her even worse.

In that case we should be concerned, and maybe even intercede on her behalf. If we followed her analogy, and her phone was like an abusive partner, the right thing to do would be to take away her phone so she can be safe. And then if she says “No, give me my phone back,” we should interpret it as a kind of Stockholm syndrome and continue to withhold the phone permanently, while setting her up with a simple phone with which she can have a healthier relationship.

But no, instead she resorts to daydreaming about what a Prince Charming smartphone would be like instead. “We have to imagine a future we want to live in so we can build it.” Just like you have to imagine the partner you want so you can change the abusive one you’ve got? I suppose that part of the analogy isn’t totally fair since phones really are designed from the ground up, but I think this hides a lot of complexity around what a smartphone is and how it’s even possible to bring them to market at an affordable price. The incentives on the part of the designers, manufacturers, businesspeople, retailers, and even consumers, just aren’t lined up in a way that would make the phone “loyal” to its owner.

Farrell seems to admit this when she says that to make these utopian phones a reality “[w]e can pay the full cost of them”, but is that true? Who is “we”? I can’t imagine what the “full cost” would be, or that anyone who isn’t rich would be willing or able to pay it.

Near the end of the article she reminds us again that smartphones and the services running on them fall into the category of “life-critical public goods”, like clean drinking water.

Does this mean she thinks I need a smartphone? Maybe in some weird inversion of the scenario I described above, instead of her smartphone being taken away, she thinks somebody ought to take away my flip phone and force me to use an iPhone or Android instead. No thanks, Ms. Farrell: I am not technologically destitute, and you are not a technology victim. You have a choice.

Same goes for any smartphone user reading this.

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